


I'm left here standing on the shore, skipping stones.

by TobyIsOhSoGay



Category: I Am Not Okay With This (Comics), I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020)
Genre: Bisexual Dina (I Am Not Okay with This), Eventual Smut, F/F, I can't think of anything else, Implied Sexual Content, Lesbian Sydney Novak, Nonbinary Stanley Barber, a bit OOC, bradley lewis is alive, but it goes with the story, sydina, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28962054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobyIsOhSoGay/pseuds/TobyIsOhSoGay
Summary: Fucking your best friend was bad enough. Now, you've kicked down a tree in your best friend's back yard. You get high in your friend's basement. And the rest, well it's honestly just gay. (and the title doesn't go with the story at all but Bloodwitch is cool.)
Relationships: Dina/Sydney Novak, Stanley Barber & Sydney Novak
Kudos: 11





	I'm left here standing on the shore, skipping stones.

**Author's Note:**

> stanley barber goes by they/them pronouns and i tried to get it right as much as i could, i had my sister proof read it so if i accidentally misgendered them, let me know. this is a fucking mess but i spent like 2 weeks working on this. i might make a chapter two of our girls just going on a date.

_Dear Diary. Holy. Shit._

“Stan, I fucked Dina,” Syd rushed out, looking over at Stan who sat at the floor, a blunt in their hand.

“You.. You fucked Dina?” Stan repeated and Syd nodded.

“You fucked Dina? How?”

“What do you mean how? We were watching a scary movie and we just started kissing and we ended up fucking and I’m royally fucked, Stan,” Syd groaned and Stan looked at her.

“That’s a good thing though, right? You’ve liked her for a while and now-” Sydney cut them off, pulling the blunt out of their hands and taking a hit off of it.

She sat up, pressing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “It’s not good, Stan. It’s fucked up. I fucked my best friend. And I royally fucked up after.”

“How, Syd?”

“I panicked and left. And I started to worry and I got upset. And I kicked down a fucking tree. And Dina watched it. She watched me kick down a fucking tree, Stan, with my scrawny legs. I’m fucked,” Syd mumbled, more to herself as a reality that fuck she fucked Dina. And she let her thoughts get the better of her and kicked down a fucking tree.

“Have you tried, I dunno, talking to her?” Stan suggested and Sydney shot them a glare.

“What am I supposed to say? Oh yeah, my 90 pound ass knocked down a fucking tree, that’s not fucking werd at all. Even though we had sex and I left you on your couch, will you still be my friend?” Sydney snapped and Stan looked at her softly.

“You have feelings for her, don’t you?”

“Stan, I-”

“Syd, you do. I can see it. And you need to tell her how you feel. And tell her about you and your superpowers,” Stan offered and Syd sighed, dropping her head to her knees. Fuck, getting high got her emotions all over the place.

“I don’t know, Stan. I don’t know how I’d tell her or if she rejected me. She just broke up with Brad a few weeks ago. We were both high, I don’t fucking know if it meant anything to her!”

“Ask her about it, Syd! Tomorrow, talk to her about it. Who knows, maybe you’re meant for each other,” Stan smirked knowingly and Sydney sighed, rolling her head back and kicking her legs down.

The set silent for a bit before Stan stood. “You wanna listen to Bloodwitch until you have to go home?”

Syd nodded, sending them a finger gun. Stan laughed and put Bloodwitch on, swaying to it as it started up.

~

Sydney walked through the dark to her own house. She noticed the light still on and cursed to herself. Of course her mom was still awake, she forgot that she was working late tonight.

Even though her and her mom had been getting along more since Maggie told her about her dad, she thought she was annoying. Especially if she’s had wine.

She opened the door softly, finding her mom’s head on the couch and sighed. She knew she smelled like weed, but lately, when had she didn’t?

“Syd, is that you?” Maggie spoke and Syd sighed.

“Yeah, mom,” Syd replied and she saw Maggie nod.

“Stan’s house?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“You should head to bed, kiddo, you have school tomorrow. And Dina was by looking for you today at the diner. Said she needed to talk to you. Better not fuck it up, Syd, she’s good for you,” Maggie threw back the rest of the wine.

“Uh, thanks mom,” Syd nodded to her before grabbing the peanut butter and walking back to her room.

As she ate the peanut butter, her mind was trailing back to when she was at Dina’s. Laying on her breast as they watched horror movies, little kisses pressed on her head before she was kissed on the lips, neither of them pulling apart as they kissed.

Dina grabbing Syd’s hand and bringing it to her breasts, kissing her passionately and bringing Syd’s hand between her legs.

She threw the peanut butter to the end of her bed, letting out a frustrated groan. Peanut butter wasn’t going to do it tonight.

I’m a fucking freak, she thought to herself as she slid her hand down between her legs.

~

Syd, I need you to take care of Liam tonight. I’m going to be busy tonight,” Maggie urged her daughter. She didn’t ask as much from her since they spoke and she didn’t mind taking care of Liam.

Maybe Stan could come over and play with Liam. Liam liked hanging out with Stan, saying that they were funny and that they did puzzles with him.

“Okay, mom,” She said, taking a slice of toast before she heard Stan honking outside for her. She left quickly, sliding into the passenger's seat.

“Have you not talked to Dina yet? She was by my house after you left looking for you. You can’t ghost her, Syd,” Stan turned to face her and she frowned.

“I’ll talk to her later, Stan, I promise,” Syd offered them a small smile and they smiled, ruffling her hair.

Except, later never came. Dina hadn’t shown up today. She wasn’t in class today, wasn’t at lunch, and didn’t even manage to meet her at her locker. She hadn’t checked her phone much since she left Dina’s house. Maybe Dina told her she was skipping?

She looked through her phone under her desk during Mr File’s class, skimming through her messages. All she got from Dina was pleading for her to talk to her or asking her what happened.

She had several missed calls and voicemails from her and she cursed at herself. She shouldn’t be doing this to Dina, Dina was perfect and she didn’t know why she was so scared.

She did, though. She was scared to lose her. Dina was her best friend, her sexual awakening, and she didn’t know how she’d live if Dina were to suddenly leave her.

“Miss Novak, pay attention, please,” Mr File tapped against the board, gaining Sydney’s attention. She nodded, pocketing her phone. She couldn’t concentrate and she felt sick.

She felt bad for hurting Dina. She knows it’s happened before, ghosting someone she cared about. From what she can remember, she felt miserable after. She doesn’t want to lose Dina. She didn’t like seeing her hurt.

Syd stood and Mr File looked at her strangely, raising an eyebrow as if waiting for her to push her things down and curse at him like Stanley had. Instead, she walked out of the room, locking herself in a bathroom stall.

She tried calling Dina but she hadn’t picked up. “Fuck,” Syd muttered to herself before trying to call Dina again.

Dina didn’t answer but she decided to leave a voicemail, “Look, Dina, I- I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. I want to talk. Please, Dina. I don’t… I can’t lose you like my dad.”

She sighed, running her hands through her hair. Her head hurt but she couldn’t hear any ringing. Her powers were frustrating her and she rested her head on the bathroom stall.

She heard knocking on the stall and froze. Shit, was it Jenny? Or Brad sneaking into the girls bathroom?

She saw someone kick a silver tin under the stall. She opened it to find rolled blunts, the same as Stan’s.

“I shouldn’t be in here, people misgender me enough but I thought you could use some with how you looked in Mr File’s class. Maybe you should head home, Syd,” Stan whispered to her and she thanked whatever god that’s out there that it had been Stan.

She heard the door shut again and she grabbed the tin, pocketing it. She probably should just go home and wait for Liam. She felt like she’d throw up or explode if she stayed here one more minute.

Syd opened the stall door, rushing out of the bathroom and out of the school. She decided she’d smoke in the back by the cars before heading back to her house to wait for Liam to finish school.

She noticed Dina’s car in the back with the rest of them, her car parked right next to Syd’s. She sat on top of the car in a hoodie and jeans with a pair of sunglasses that looked similar to Stan’s. Syd noticed that it was her hoodie and she sighed softly. She didn’t remember leaving that at Dina’s house but she had and Dina looked good in it.

Syd hoped that Dina wouldn’t notice her as she slipped against the wall, taking a blunt out of the case and lighting it. Dina heard the flicker of the lighter, though, and sat up from her lounging, lifting the sunglasses to the top of her head.

“Hey, Syd!” She shouted and Syd flushed softly, walking over to Dina. Dina slid down from the hood of her car onto the asphalt and looked at Sydney take a hint from the blunt.

“We need to talk, Syd, seriously. We’re best friends, why do you feel the need to ghost me?” Dina stuffed her hands in her pockets and the way she looked at her, it reminded Syd of when Dina saw the library, seeing that Syd had lied to her.

“I, uh, Dina, I…” She couldn’t form words and she sighed, taking a hit from the joint in hand.

“Can we talk about this later, please? I just.. I need to get Liam later with Stan and… I just really missed you,” Syd whispered and she felt Dina’s arms wrap tight around her.

“We’ll talk about this later, at the bridge, okay? I’m just glad you’re safe, Sydney. The way you ran off from my house, I thought you were going to get hit by a car,” Dina mumbled, resting her head against Sydney’s and sighing softly.

Both girls just stood, holding each other. Syd felt calmer, whether it was from the weed or knowing that Dina wasn’t (supposedly) mad at her she didn’t know. Both of them felt a vibration from their pockets, their phones, and they released each other reluctantly, looking at who sent them messages.

It was from Stan, a message with thumbs up sent to both of them. They noticed Stan in a window, waving to both of them and Sydney laughed softly, pocketing her phone.

The girls sat together on Dina’s hood instead. Syd was making the most of their time together before she possibly ruined it telling her about how she’s in love with her.

“Hey, Dina?” Syd whispered, passing off the joint to Dina who accepted it and took a hit before humming in response to Syd.

“I, uh, thought I’d let you know. I’m a lesbian,” Syd muttered, looking up in the sky. She enjoyed the sky when she was high, especially at night.

Dina smiled, patting her hand softly, “I’ll let you know that I’m bisexual.”

Sydney nodded, smiling up into the sky. Maybe this won’t be totally hopeless.

Time had slipped away from the both of them and eventually, they watched Stan make their way to their car.

“You ready to go, Syd? I don’t think your mom will be very happy if you make Liam walk home by himself again by that kid’s house,” Stan offered, squinting at the overly bright sun peaking out from the hoard of clouds.

“I, uh, yeah. Seeya later, Dina,” Syd hopped off her car, grabbing the tin from where it rested between them and handing it back to Stan. Stan smiled and they both loaded up into their car.  
  


~

“Hey, Stan!” Liam greeted as Stan pulled up to his school.

“Hey, man, how was school?” Stan asked, as Liam climbed into the back of Stan’s car. He never mentioned how Stan’s car smelled like weed.

“It was cool, not a lot happened. Richard Rynard is still suspended from when he punched me in the face,” Liam laughed and Stan smiled at him.

“Syd, you okay?” Stan asked and Syd looked away from the window, looking back to them.

“Yeah, fine, just spacing out,” She offered Stan a smile and Stan offered her one back before starting up a conversation with Liam.

It felt oddly domestic and Syd didn’t like it. She pulled out her phone to scroll through some things. She saw a text from Dina.

_Dina: hey what time were u thinking? we need to talk before it gets late, i have to eat with my mom tonight._

_Syd: we can meet up now, or whatever. i can have stan watch liam until we get back_

_Dina: great, love you syd._

Syd didn’t take anything from the “love you’. Dina ended all of their conversations like that, and while it made her heart flutter hopefully, she didn’t want to fuck anything up.

“Uh, Stan?” Sydney asked, looking over to the other.

“Yeah?” Stan looked back over to Syd, cutting Liam off apologetically.

“Can you take me to the bridge and uh, if it’s not too much to ask, help Liam until my mom gets home? I have to talk with Dina,” Syd fidgeted with her hands.

“No problemo, Syd, me and Liam started a new puzzle anyway and we should finish it,” Stan pat her hand softly, giving her a reassuring smile. Stan definitely had more hope for her than she did for herself.

Syd watched out the window as they made their way to the bridge. Dina’s small car was parked a bit away from it and Stan brought them up a bit closer, spying Dina standing near the front of it.

“Good luck, Syd. I really hope you talk this out,” Stan ruffled her hair and she laughed nervously, swatting their hand away.

“Have fun tonight, Goob,” Syd whispered and Liam waved to her as she stepped out.

“Hey, D!” Liam yelled out, sticking his head out the back window and Dina laughed, waving to him.

Stan offered them both a thumbs up before they made their way to Maggie’s house. Dina looked down at Syd nervously, who returned the same look.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

They both offered at the same time and Sydney flushed, Dina laughing softly.

“Let me go first, Syd,” Dina pleaded gently and Sydney nodded.

“I’m sorry, Sydney, I… I never should’ve kissed you and made you touch me. I should’ve talked to you about it but Stan suggested that you liked me, I trusted their words more than Brad’s at homecoming, and Syd, I’ve liked you for a while. I wasn’t lying about what I told you at homecoming. I didn’t mind our kiss, and I thought… I thought I’d try, to kiss you at least, like I had at homecoming before Brad butt in. When you didn’t pull away from me, I stupidly took it as a good sign. Then, you left and ghosted me and I knew that I shouldn’t have kissed you, Syd. I’m sorry,” Dina whispered, fumbling with her hands but keeping her eyes on Syd.

Syd took a moment to process what she said, setting nervousness deep into Dina before she spoke.

“Dina, I- First of all, I don’t know where Stan got that from, they literally just found that out yesterday when we talked about it. And I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that I ran and ghosted you. I was scared. I don’t want to lose you, Dina, I already lost my dad and I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. You’re my best friend and I love you, Dina. And I’m sorry that I was such an asshole to you when you were with Brad, but I guess… I guess I was jealous. And Dina, I…” Syd took a deep breath, tears welling in her eyes gently. Dina’s arms flexed at her sides, like she wanted to engulf her in a hug and pretend this never happened.

“With what happened after, with your tree. I, shit, I did that. With my fucking mind. I know, it sounds stupid, but it’s true. I know it happens when I’m upset, or sad, or angry, or stressed and weed helps with it. It’s terrifying, Dina. That time at the diner, I was the person who made Brad’s nose bleed. I killed Liam’s fucking adorable hedgehog. I knocked down a fucking sign by the railroad track, I tore down like, 4 fucking trees after I kissed you at Ricky Berry’s birthday party. That’s how Stan found out. When you found me in the bathroom, the reason I was sitting so weird, I was trying to calm down and stop everything from shaking. I couldn’t have people know. And at the library. I was being followed, and I freaked out and I don’t know if it was him or me that knocked down the books. And then at fucking homecoming, when Brad’s hand exploded with my Diary. That was me. It’s fucking crazy, it’s fucking shitty, and I understand if it sounds completely unbelievable,” Syd mumbled, fidgeting with her hands. She’d never actually admitted this to anyone.

“Syd, this is the stuff you should be telling me. We’re best friends, you should be able to tell me anything. But, I understand if you think I wouldn’t believe you. But I do, Syd, it makes sense. If you say this happened, then I believe you, Sydney. But I do love you, Sydney, and I want to help you. And I don’t deserve it at all, I know I don’t after the shit I put you through, but… If you’ll have me… I want to be… Your girlfriend?” Dina watched as Syd looked up at her, her eyes filled with tears but she saw the sides of the others mouth curve up.

“Really?”

Dina nodded, smiling. A few tears dribbled down both of their cheeks and they smiled to each other.

“Are we… Are we really doing this?” Sydney whispered, clinging to Dina in a tight hug, rested her head on her breast and listening to her heart beat softly.

“If you want, Syd.”

“I-I do want,” She whispered, maybe a bit too excited but it made Dina laugh, pressing a kiss to Syd’s head.

They stood like that until their legs got tired, holding each other and mumbling small talk, but just holding each other.

“Fucking Stan was right,” Syd laughed softly, holding herself tightly to Dina. She smelled like strawberries and perfume and Sydney was in love with the scent.

Dina just laughed, “I guess they were.”

~

**Author's Note:**

> god, ianowt is dead and they cancelled season two, which i HOPE they renew after COVID because shit. sophia lillis was my sexual awakening and i love her? especially as syd. but enjoy this because i don't, but there's not a lot of stories with syd and dina that aren't cross-overs, so here we are.


End file.
